Sunday, November 18, 2007

cemetery visit

I got another envelope full of cards on saturday....(thanks sandi for putting them all together and sending them to me) and thank you to all the scrappers from Tallyscrapper!! Who sent them.....I also had some from some ladies on 2peas...and scrapbook.com!! just beautiful cards......I am not so talented in the card making area...but I really appreciate all the time...put into them....My dads 62nd birthday was on thursday.....We were not the happiest group to be around...but we knew we needed to celebrate dad....but Ed was so obviously not there...but we all tried to put on a smile and celebrate dads day...
Last night me and Sommer went over jenieces to watch a movie.....it was so fun...and they have such a big family...I'm not used to that...but they were great...and we always feel right at home over their house..
and when I woke up this morning Ed's sleep apnea machine was running.....my head tells me one of the cats did it....but hey....
me and Sommer headed to the cemetery....and I did take pics....(just a pre-warning), it's kinda a normal sight for our family...Ed worked part time at a cemetery...and sommer would actually go and help out sometimes..so she's probably more comfortable here than most kids.....he actually built and worked the cremators at the cemetery too....another job he loved...and he was good at it..
This cemetery is just so beautiful....it's small and it has a white picket fence........

and the fall colors are just breathtaking.....there are leaves everywhere......

and then as we turn I see my reality....it's been 2 weeks since we were here....and I thought it would be easier...but it's not...although I find comfort knowing that I already have a spot next to him.....all I can think of right now is..that
I can't believe you're in there
I can't believe I will never touch you again
We won't ever be grandparents together
you won't walk our girls down the isle
or see sommer in her cap and gown
we won't ever talk at night...or snuggle in your big arms..and you tell me everything is going to be alright..
that's what I want most right now...
no more laughter.....no more,no more.....
it's not fair....I want my old boring....life back!!!
but that's not going to happen....
cause this is my reality!!!
strength...strength....strength





10 comments:

renee said...

staci..my heart goes out to you! I feel your pain...it sucks but this is our reality and i think we will eventually be okay...one day. and until then, just do good in this lifetime and hopefully we'll meet them again (hopefully sooner than later). hang in there...if you need anything, call me.

Anonymous said...

I cry with you...I miss my Mother everyday...it's some of the smallest things that make me miss her the most. I am thankful to be able to show the other people I love, just how much I love them! Sometimes I can't even be mad, because it's just not that important. I am always here if you need an ear. Sandi

Benita said...

{{{{Staci}}}} I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes from seeing that picture of the grave :( I think that's right when it hit me when I lost my sister & brother-in-law.....at the gravesite.

There's a poem that I love that always brought some comfort to me, even if just a little bit:

"If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to Heaven & bring you home again."

You've been in my thoughts & prayers everyday!

Hugs,
Benita

Amanda Ann said...

Oh Staci!! I feel for you! You are strong! I keep you and your girls in my prayers constantly. I don't think anyone would expect you to feel any different. {{hugs}}

Taniwha said...

Oh bless Staci, you made me cry for you hun! Hang in there, I'm thinking of you (hugs) xXx

JmeLea said...

My eyes are brimming with tears. I can't say I know how you feel, but I still keep you and Sommer and Tonee in my prayers. You will see Ed again, some day, Staci. I know this! {{{Hugs}}}

*reyanna* said...

You've been on my Favorite Artists list at sb.com for a long time because I just love your work so much!

I didn't know what happened until I saw your most recent LO. So then I read all your blogs for the past three weeks.

I hope you're doing well. And you will be in my thoughts and prayers. :D Keep scrappin'! You're awesome!

Angy said...

{{{Staci}}}
You are so brave...God bless you and make you strong during the difficult times. Love you, Ang

Evelyn said...

(((Staci))) I pray for strength for you. Hang in there!! This is the poem we read at my sister's memorial service. (Just substitute *he* for *she*)

You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she’s gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she’d want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on

Anonymous said...

Staci....My heart is so heavy with sadness for you! I'm sending hugs and prayers your way!

Denise (matt'sneice)