Monday, March 24, 2008

ouch!! painful!!

so Easter.....was hard...the hardest holiday yet....My family just can't figure out how to do this without him.....will we ever really enjoy a holiday again.....it just sucks!! It's so forced...and I wanted it to be forced...we couldn't not do it...I didn't even shop for easter until 11pm on saturday night, and then after fighting the crowds..and picking through the easter candy that was left....I cried all the way home, I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ALONE!!! I just looked at the bags of stuff...and I knew that he wouldn't be home...to help me put baskets together...and then I would step back to look at the baskets, and always felt like I didn't do enough..but he would tell me how lucky the girls are to have such a great mom........and that the baskets were beautiful.....( i just miss him....) ...okay so glad counseling is tomorrow....!!! But we did it..got through it....and Lord help me I hope it's better next year.... We didn't even dye eggs until easter morning......but both girls wanted too...mom cooked a feast....and I know that was a struggle for her...too....not having ed sneaking deviled eggs...and she would always spoil him...making his plate for him...he had her wrapped around his finger.....just such a big empty feeling in our family...... just never realized how much my family needed him.....
my beautiful neice and nephew.....are two of the reasons we need to keep the holidays going.....I don't want them to not remember having these get togethers......that my girls have had all their lives...
finally got the baskets together....for the girls.....
and in sommers basket she got the traditional paddle ball....and of course I had to show her my paddle ball skills...
ohhh...yeah!!!so the girls are home all week.....hopefully they don't drive me too..crazy!!! Keep going...keep living...keep trying to heal my broken heart....another "first" holiday off the check list....



15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your a GREAT mom and they really do need you now too! Glad to hear you made it through...and it will get better...trust me, our's are not the same since my Mother's death...but we are getting through them year by year! Love, Sandi

Michelle said...

(((hugs))) can't begin to imagine how hard it was....glad you made it through....(((hugs)))

~Shriley said...

((Staci)) your honesty in dealing with your new life brings me to tears. You are an amazing woman and mother. Have a wonderful week with the girls!

Debbie said...

I took your link from TallyScrapper... Just want to say I am sorry for your loss, and to encourage you to hang in there!

Stacey said...

You are such a great mom!!! ((BIG HUGS))!!!!

Scrapdragons said...

{{{Staci}}} what a great mom you are! Hope you have a great week with the girls.

~laura

Silvitanova said...

Oh, sweety, I'm sorry to hear this. (((hugs))) Still your pictures are so colourfull.

I'm so happy for you to see all your published pages, great!!

Sheila from Texas said...

Hi Stacy,

You inspire me!!! I'm so proud of you and big :::HUG::: to you and your family. With my brother suffering right now...you're giving me the inspiration that I need. Keep it up girl!!

Sheila

Sheila from Texas said...

Hey girl...you inspire me!! I'm so proud of you. I need your inspiration to get me through my brother's struggle and coming to the realization with the inevitable. You are truly amazing and giving me the opportunity to ENJOY YOUR WORK!!!

Rachel Whetzel said...

Love you, Staci. I thought about you and the girls and wondered, yesterday... I wish it were easier... SO PROUD of you for sticking it out, and making it happen even WITH the empty feelings.

Anonymous said...

Staci, I'm so sorry that you even have to go through this. You put a great face on though, everything looks beautiful...the eggs, the baskets. You're one tough mutha, you know?!
Alison

mindakims said...

I don't know if it helps at all, but know that all across the US there are women hoping to help wash away your pain with a few of their own tears...

And also know that there is no right and wrong way to celebrate a holiday. Doing the eggs on Easter Sunday morning together was probably a fun alternative, and something new that you did that is now your own.

Your honesty about your feelings is the exact right thing to do. Hang in there doll, it WILL get better, I just feel it.

Benita said...

{{{Staci}}} Sorry to hear that Easter was so hard on you :(

Jana said...

(((hugs))) Staci - You are an awesome mom!! While it might be difficult now, it will get easier with time and you will continue the important traditions and make new ones as well... I know he was looking down on you and smiling! Keep up the great scrapping and parenting. We're all there for you if you need a shoulder! Keep smiling!

Leah C said...

hugs my sweet... big hugs coming your way. The baskets look beautiful!