new gutter girlz challenge.....

this was my take on the new gutter girlz challenge....."I'm a junkie" so go check out the other gutter girlz... http://guttergirlz.blogspot.com/ and join in.....It's funny sommer has told me that she doesn't like me using bad words on my pages!!! I just like the fact that she knows it's wrong......and I told her I will work on that...hee,hee.... I did another DT layout for Scrappy Chic......I am so geeked to get a chance to crop with Miss Sandi...on friday......4th of july crop....anybody else coming???
My brother stopped out yesterday to cut the grass.....lil' mikey...gets so excited everytime.....he see's his dad.....

and in 3 more days.....my neice gets to come out....I of course had to get some belly shots....and yes...I lifted this pic from so many scrappers....the typical...hands shaped like a heart on the belly....come on it's cute!!!

looks like she just stuffed a basketball under her shirt......

Tonee' teasing lil' mikey and duke.....I don't know who's more entertained....that's a hot look Tonee'Okay....I need to photoshop my dirty laundry that's all over the floor behind tonee......I wish I could photoshop it away in real life!!!

bye.....

Chicago here i come...........

I am to say the least a little geeked!!!! that I get to go to CHA this year with Scrappy Chic......my first time in chicago...and I am also a CHA virgin.....it's going to be so cool to see all the brand new product....to get to touch it and feel it.....and I've kind of noticed that we have a different rating system over here.....there are degrees of love for product...if we don't like something ( you just kind of give these crazy eyes, and shake your head no), if we like it's called (yummy), if we really like (we want to lick it) and if we are in love..(we want to hump it)....I know it's sick but that's how we roll....and it gets the point across real quick.......oh and one last one...if it's shockingly awesome (PMP).... Okay enough of that....I finished my mini album/business card holder last night....kept it simple added a rubon to the cover.....added about 10 of my favorite pics from our trip to the beach...my "dash" printer prints the perfect size wallets for it to...so nice...
added a couple rubons to some of the pages too...

and then on the back I stamped for journaling, added some 7 gypsies stickers and heidi swapp tape...it's just the perfect size mini to keep in your purse and the lil strap keeps everything safe inside....

I also had to do a grad page for the dt at scrappy chic....using some reminisce paper......did it with some of the pics from heathers graduation..

looks like it is going to be a rainy day....that's fine with me.....

lookie here.....

came across these beauties.....at Scrappy Chic last night....oh yeah...don't they make you wanna scrap...my favorite word on one of the tickets...is "story".....and those bigger tickets are going to be perfect for the typewriter!!! I also got to pick up my DT kit....and it had some beautiful...new papers from basic grey!! So as of right this minute...I am itchin' to scrap!!!! I hope it's stays.....cause look at the other treasure I found...these lil things caught my eye......from across the isle....at Target!!
it's actually for holding business cards....but come on...do you see a mini book...like I do?? it's even got new born baby...page protectors......I wanted a green one but they were sold out....so they only had purple and brown..so I took the brown.... sounds like the "ohio" trip might be off......or shortened...but I might be going somewhere else in july....???

TGIF

I know I have some friends out there....croppin' this weekend...Miki's group.....and Erins!! Wish I was at both of them....but looks like I will be sitting them out this weekend......i feel like I have no mojo lately....hopefully it returns this weekend....did do a couple pages for my art journal...seen this quote on another blog....her name is kate..and I found her off of renee's blog, so I lifted her quote....she does awesome mini's....right up my alley... http://lifeintheobrienhouse.typepad.com/ so I did this page for my journal....have I told you how much I love having a typewriter again?? this one was just a simple page....I used an envelope, and a old picture of us..(we look like new born babies) I am thinking this was 1987....
somebody....and it sucks that I can't remember who...maybe it was someone at one in my grief group.....talked about getting a set of those solar lights and putting one at the cemetary.....and then putting the other in our yard......so I picked up a set....and it was kinda beautiful...when ours lit last night...thinking that his was lit too....
tried to take a picture.......of it lit...

just think this time next week.....I will be an aunt again....kinda getting excited!! and then after she's born...me and the girls are off to Chillicothe ohio....yeehaww...

8 months today............

better day....

well feeling better today......alot of things...helped..all the comments...which all made sense sometimes just hearing it from somebody else helps......!! because usually I know better ...but it's like the devil gets in your ear sometimes....then my girl jeniece invited me over for some "wife swap" and mac and cheese.....and for dessert...chocolate....then she made me these adorable labels....!!!! Jealous?? but I have to say she is my best friend....she is always been there for me....believe me this girl has had me show up on her door steps, just a big blubbering mess.......alot...in the past 8 months!!!even more than my family she has seen first hand....my heartache....she won't fall for the I'm okay smile...for one second..she always knows.... and she never makes me feel like I am a bother...she just scoops me up, makes me feel better , tells me how it is.....and loves me unconditionaly.........okay so after coming home from there.....I get a frantic email from renee!!!! and in the subject line all it read was "NEW KIT" what..who...?? so I open it to realize that my favorite scrapper kristina contes is getting ready to release a new workshop kit!!!!.....shhhhnnnnikkkkeesssss...I about hurt myself running for my purse!!! cause I know they wouldn't last...and there were like 27 left when I ordered and I just checked and there are only about 10 left.....but she won't ship till early july....but go take a peek the mini book.....is freakin' awesome http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=12850315 it has a vintage camera on the cover!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! another thing that got me smiling........was my girls....
singing the karaoke revolution on the Wii

they're favorite song is Tiny dancer.......they were doing a duet here..and it's funny sommer has this soft voice, and
Tonee's sounds like a rockstar screaming!!

but it was amusing to watch!!!

this is where the magic happens'.....

I accepted that I am a messy scrapper.....but it's starting to take over....a little...so I hope to clean it up a little today.....so at least I have a spot to scrap...on my table... it's kinda funny to look at my table from this view.......I mean what's with the lotion? how long has that cup been hiding behind my mags?? and maybe it's time to do something with the roses that Ed sent me for sweetest day?? they're on my top shelf....and ever so often the petals just start dropping....the poor things are just......so pitiful....but they still sit...in the vase with his card that says "love ed".....but they've been in there for 8 months....yikes!! and I wish my typewriter had a permament home....usually I put it under the table until I need it.... oh you thought that was it.....nope...it has grown onto my bed......behind me...I've started to put a box together of stuff I don't love anymore...for the next yard sale at scrappy chic....so that should help...clear out some stuff.....I started hanging stuff back on my shelf...with the clips...and told myself that stuff should only be up here...if I want to hump it......if I don't want to hump you....you will not be up here.....so that helped me let go of some stuff....so hopefully I will be able to clean this up a little...bad thing is I start to organize and then I come across some great thing...I forgot and before I know it ....I'm scrappin'
took sommer to her first IKEA trip.....she loves it..and just wants to move into those lil apts they set up....picked up a couple baskets to help organize...and a frame....for my pub...in somerset memories...gonna put the cover in it..and then I stumbled across these yummy.....postcards...but I think they would be cute in black frames too...but they completely inspire me!!!!

I feel like the people I love sense when I am not in a good place.......maybe I don't hide things as well as I think I do...but yesterday...was just a day...I had to fight through...nothing major happened...just felt so weak...kept telling myself...I just can't do this....I feel like I am getting weaker not stronger with time....when I was at the balloon release I met a woman who lost her husband nov 10 of last year....and before I said anything...she said to me ...that it's not getting easier...you feel like you're coming out of a fog....and stepping into this awful reality.....that's it exactly!!! Why can't I just accept the reality and move on?? I can't change it!! so why can't I imagine the future..?? I try...nothing!! I see nothing!! I don't want to be in charge anymore....I don't want to be the only adult...I want someone to take care of me....to hold me...to tell me everythings going to be alright.......I just feel like I am done...and everyday that passes...is just one day closer to being with him...and I don't want to live that way....I want to look forward to being with him again someday...but also enjoy life here....now..

I hate when I feel this way......

all by myself....

well after I got the news that the headstone was at our spot....I needed to stop and see it for myself.......I feel a big relief that I didn't have to cause a big stink over this....cause if you know me...I don't like causing stinks....but I will if I have to...but i really don't want to....but it's there....needs a little extra grass seed around there....... well both girls canceled out on going to the balloon release with me....I guess that's good that they're busy....., but the funeral home only does it once a year...so I wanted to still go.....it was really beautiful...the only hard part was that we sat in the room where ed was shown....so I started to hyperventilate a little when they opened the doors....but pulled my big girl panties up (as jeniece would say) and headed in....it's funny how small the room seemed....at the funeral...it felt like this huge...gigantic room...but now it's so small...I kept a picture of him in my hands the entire time, they said some beautiful words, played a couple tear jearking songs....and then we all wrote a message on a note card.....and picked out a balloon....
I was eyeing up the WM green one....and then I picked 2 for the girls.....and we all headed outside to let them go.....it was thundering....and started to sprinkle when we walked outside.....


but we just walked out and let them go.....they all stuck together....I guess going to the same place...LOL!!!

and of course I was the only one with a camera.....am I weird??? Is that not a beautiful sight.....that the girls will enjoy seeing.......when they're grown...

so cool!!!

just got the info for our next challenge over at gutter girlz http://guttergirlz.blogspot.com/ it's so cool.....wish I could give you a hint....hope you guys will come over and play in the gutter with me.... I think I've already seen Renee and Jenny over there...gettin' dirty!!! I scrapped a little bit last night....between my boughts with the Wii and the bottle of boones farm...(by the way not a good combo!!)some other good news....the funeral home where Ed was , is having a balloon release tonight....and when I called to RSVP , they told me that they took care of Eds headstone....and that it's where it's supposed to be......so I feel so much more at peace with that situation...and I figured we would stop tonight after the balloon release to see it.......now that it's been moved...

I scrapped!!!!

I was so happy that I finally scrapped something....of course it was during saturday night live....and I had some of the new October Afternoon paper for inspiration.......and Michelle you were right......about scrappin' the tshirt pic.....that's the first one I did...... and back to the kraft paper.....and more of that October Afternoon paper...it looks so yummy against the kraft paper...
I am kinda surprised that I did anything....since I have a new Wii addiction....it's bad...so glad it's sunday....and there is nothing going on....that's how I like it!!!!

thank you....thank you....

I wanted to thank everybody...for the comments yesterday....when ever I get a comment...I get an email telling me that someone left a comment....so I just kept getting these encouraging....supportive emails..all day...some made me laugh, some made me cry...but they all helped me get through a crappy day.....even though Alison never showed up with the case of boones farm!!! hee,hee...and my girl jeniece came over and hung with me for awhile...she's the bestest..(yeah...I said bestest) she knew before I even jumped off the deep end...that I was already at the edge......I made her sing karaoke..., we ordered pizza...and made a trip to scrappy chic...so the best remedy..food,laughs,friends, and shopping.... The girls are getting ready to switch bedrooms.....and my dressers are still in sommers room...so while they were cleaning she came across a casual male bag.....and it had a new shirt that Ed had bought......I remember he took me to archivers for the first time...and then after that we seen there was a casual male store next to it...and he was always saving.....certain shirts for....what I don't know...but he liked to hoard new clothes..... so what to do?? I guess wear it......I've always loved wearing his shirts...and even more so now.....
I hope to do some scrappin' today...not been feeling it to much lately...but when I came across this masking tape at Scrappy Chic last night....it kinda gave me that tingly feeling......masking tape with words on it....why didn't I think of that???

well thanks again everybody.....I am feeling much better.....if we could maybe do that lil' pep rally about once a month...that would be great!!! I feel the love....

"WARNING" i'm in a mood!!!!

My dad came across this old picture probably about 9 or 10 years old.....and gave it to me...on my birthday......so last night...I am in a pissed off/hate everything mood....and let's just say I didn't sleep a wink!!!
so now I am going to rant....
I am sick of putting on my fake I'm okay smile!!!
how are you doing??? we're doing great......liar!!!
I hurt so bad....next friday will be 8 months....which makes it..only 4 months till it will be a year without him.......a year..are you kidding me?
I think last night....was almost like a tantrum..why him?? why my husband?? I need him.....I can't find any joy in life...I feel like I am done...

lil' mikey was swinging on the back porch with me the other day....and I am teasing him...and he's laughing and swinging...and I was laughing...but it wasn't real.....it's like I am forcing myself to try and be happy...or make it seem like I am...and this is with a 2 year old....

okay I am almost done......on fathers day, a lady from my church called the house just to say that the church had prayed for us, and they all had Edward on their minds.........and I got off the phone and cried...for 2 reasons....one I felt the love...from the church...the other...was that I am sad...that certain family members ( I think we're still family) can't do....I wonder do they think about our girls....and did they care that it was their first fathers day without him.....wouldn't they've of liked to get a call from their grandpa and uncle.......I guess I am lucky that I have my dad and my brother in their lives....How nice it must be to just not come around...and I guess pretend that nothing has changed.....I wish...but I can't do that...cause I wake up to an empty bed........empty house....empty heart......every fuckin' day...for the last 8 months!!!

okay...I feel a little better....that will be $50.....

and to torture myself even more.....I went and visited my old blog......june 2007... http://www.myscrapblog.com/Cflattop/14457/ tonee' graduated, the graduation party, the candle party..........going to the beach...just happy...It is nice to have an online diary to go back and take a peek at your life.....

surprise!!

yesterday the girls from my SIL job....put together a surprise mini baby shower for her.....I had to get her there....and I am a horrible liar...so I just told her that I was going to pick her up and 6 and don't ask any questions.....and she didn't..great pic of me, sommer, michelle and my mom...
there was tons of yummy food....I made taco salad....

she got alot of girly stuff....I found this cute onsie...that says "my aunt loves me"

I can't believe how many diapers she got....they will be set for awhile.....

so not to long before I get to meet my new neice.... Alyssa e.d. LaClair will be here july 3rd....yeah...

.....perfect weather...

oh my gosh this weather is so perfect....a little chill but still beautiful out....I wanted to show you these awesome Tim Holtz metal tags...aren't they yummy...love the words...and you know I love the numbers under them...and here's what else I picked up from scrappy chic....some beautiful chloe marie?? from daisy d's
and I did one page for my art journal last night....it's always so hard to get a pic of a clear page....

and then I finished up this one....I started a couple days ago....I couldn't remember the name of the flower...but I think sandi told me it was a clover?? come on ...please tell me...I'm not the only one that used to suck on these...(I'm sure that allison and jeniece used to suck 'em)

some new layouts...

had to run up to scrappy chic....today....to pick up some layouts....and I got my first peek at the Vacation idea book from scrapbook trends......with my mini book from our road trip last fall.....it looks awesome...and I am so excited...but they didn't put all the pages in.....and the page with our group shot....didn't make it in...so they was kinda bummy....but I am still really excited to have a mini book pubbed with them..it was my first one in scrapbook trends.....so now I can't wait to get my goodie box!!! oh and by the way.....if you haven't been in the store since it's been moved around ....it's so awesome...it's huge...and it looks like a new store.....Okay finally started scrappin' again....was wondering where the mojo was???? Allison took it?? probably...but I did get 3 pages done.......

I think I am getting hooked on the cardstock.....we need to put a stop to that....

also picked up some of the new daisy d's chloe marie.....it's so cute!!! hope to play with it tonight..