should be scrappin'

thanks for the nice comments on the video of my mini book....it's always hard to see what you look like on a video..and sound like....yikes!! but it was fun......what should I video tape now?? We are still having fun with it......even video taped jeniece giving me a tuturial on how to do dishes?? Lord knows I need it......speaking of dishes...I am having a family cookout tomorrow...and I need to get my house cleaned!!! but there is a problem....I hate cleaning....if you see my house...you will believe me...but I really do need to get it clean...meeting some new family members...So instead of spending the day scrappin' I will be doing what I hate most cleaning....and probably cover the "devil" pool too.....someone asked why I call it the devil pool?? It's just been a nightmare, the pool was Ed's project, but I wanted to keep it going for the girls.....from day one, it was a nightmare to get blue, the ladder broke, a hole in the tubes...hole in the liner.....I'm just not into it.......not feelin' it....don't want to mess with it....but anyway...I did finally finish a page it's of me and sommer at the auction at Scrappy Chic......

and then I did a page for my journal too.....used a library card I picked up from scrappy chic....too..cute!! How this came about is...I was staring out my kitchen door, looking at the trees, the yard....the sky...just nature and it made me think of life.....and how I feel about mine....and if I had to explain how I feel everyday....this is it....
but.....I do have moments of happiness, and I laugh, and I love and I am loved...but at the end of the day....it's back to those 3 words...last night was kind of a dark night...and really I did it to myself...before I know it I find myself...surrounded by all the cards I got from everybody, his cologne...and the recording of his voice...."saying I love you" as I was reading the cards....I kept saying why are you being so mean to yourself......put them away!!! I was affraid I was going to use up all the batteries in the recorder....just to hear him laugh on this recording....and to say I love you...I could just play it forever....he didn't want to die...he didn't want to leave us....and he didn't know that a few days after leaving this message he would die......it still is hard to convince myself...that this is really happening...

wow...didn't mean for this post to go there....but I just type what I am feeling...and that's it..