ouch!! painful!!

so Easter.....was hard...the hardest holiday yet....My family just can't figure out how to do this without him.....will we ever really enjoy a holiday again.....it just sucks!! It's so forced...and I wanted it to be forced...we couldn't not do it...I didn't even shop for easter until 11pm on saturday night, and then after fighting the crowds..and picking through the easter candy that was left....I cried all the way home, I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ALONE!!! I just looked at the bags of stuff...and I knew that he wouldn't be home...to help me put baskets together...and then I would step back to look at the baskets, and always felt like I didn't do enough..but he would tell me how lucky the girls are to have such a great mom........and that the baskets were beautiful.....( i just miss him....) ...okay so glad counseling is tomorrow....!!! But we did it..got through it....and Lord help me I hope it's better next year.... We didn't even dye eggs until easter morning......but both girls wanted too...mom cooked a feast....and I know that was a struggle for her...too....not having ed sneaking deviled eggs...and she would always spoil him...making his plate for him...he had her wrapped around his finger.....just such a big empty feeling in our family...... just never realized how much my family needed him.....
my beautiful neice and nephew.....are two of the reasons we need to keep the holidays going.....I don't want them to not remember having these get togethers......that my girls have had all their lives...

finally got the baskets together....for the girls.....

and in sommers basket she got the traditional paddle ball....and of course I had to show her my paddle ball skills...

ohhh...yeah!!!so the girls are home all week.....hopefully they don't drive me too..crazy!!! Keep going...keep living...keep trying to heal my broken heart....another "first" holiday off the check list....